A Letter to the Man I Thought I Would Grow Old With

Peaches 'N Creme- A Letter To The Man I Thought I Would Grow Old With

Us. Our Love Story. It is most things unconventional, years of long distance, obstacles, adventure, sacrifice, struggle, triumph. Even though in no ways was it simple, to us it was…we knew we had love and we knew that’s all that mattered.

All though it didn’t start with love at first sight, that’s what we liked most as our claim to fame. We built a relationship off of a foundation of being best friends at first. Just hanging out, making fun of each other…a lot. We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. I happened to meet you at a time when I was applying to schools out of state and you had your own situation with school, work and football that you were trying to figure out. We thought being just friends was “ideal.” Until our situation got so undeniable and we realized we needed each other.

Long Face time calls, expensive flights. I started to fall for you the way one falls asleep: slowly and then all at once. I couldn’t tell you exactly how or when but I could tell you a million reasons why I fell for you. We have lots of memories but one that stands out most to us. After over a year long friendship, one fall night I caught a flight to Wisconsin to go to a huge NFL game with you as an early birthday gift to you. Little did I know that this is when you were going to change things for us. You let your guard down, you took a leap of faith and turned our friendship into a partnership of deep, unconditional love. After that night, I crashed into you fully. I gave you all of me and you gave me all of you.

You were my anchor that grounded me. I was your sail that kept you going. I was the dreamer, you were the realist. Always balancing each other. Always being each other’s equal to the other side of our equations.

Even though our hearts always knew what we wanted we knew life wasn’t that easy, or simple for that matter. At least not for people like you and me.

The thing we valued most about our relationship was our honesty, trust and COMMUNICATION. We talked about EVERYthing. We told each other things that most people in relationships will never confront. We didn’t make anything taboo. We weren’t simple or mediocre and we knew that.

We questioned a lot. This never meant we didn’t love each other, in fact the opposite. How can you know if something is real if you never question it?

We never had arguments because we faced things head on. We would listen to each other, talk things out, understand how each of us felt even if we didn’t agree with the other. We knew that heated conversations where neither of us held anything back no matter how uncomfortable it was, was what would prevent any issues going forward. And we carried absolutely zero judgement of each other, none at all, that’s why we could be so open. It’s what allowed us to keep our spark alive.

I challenged you because I loved you.

I confronted you. A lot. You knew I wasn’t a “yes” girl, you knew that before you even signed up to date me, but for some reason you still signed up for it. I still question how or why to this day lol. I never just nod my head and go with the flow because I always value HAPPINESS over comfort. The thing I believed most about being your girlfriend was that it was my job to push you. I knew your potential so I constantly craved more for you. I never let you get away with not being your absolute best or putting your skills, drive and passion to use. I never cared what you did I just wanted you to be happy. We both talked about all the people we knew in life that never got to or weren’t living out their passions and we promised each other we would never let either of us be that.

Thank you for learning how to love this challenge. Thank you for not being intimidated by me or telling me that I’m too much. Instead, you learned how to push yourself everyday, you learned how to not just ‘deal’ with this type of love but you learned how to love it back and with no complaints.

You learned how to understand my mind. And man is it a complicated one, you reminded me of that all the time 😉 I know I’m not easy to love but you made our love so easy. You knew how I over think everything and how my mind can play tricks on me. Thank you for being so confident in us, in what we had. You were my rock. You gave me room to breathe when I needed it. Space to dwell, to think, to question, to process without getting angry or adding any extra stress to my life. You remained open, compassionate, certain. I know you didn’t always fully understand what I was always dealing with but you tried…you tried your damn best. At the times I felt like exploding, or I did in fact explode, you were patient, empathetic. You were my peace amongst my chaos.

We know we had our fair share of ups and downs, in fact our most recent storm was one we were going through when your accident happened. This is one that floods me with guilt, rains on me tons of sadness and regret but I just try to find purpose in it now. I see that despite you and me, you were the happiest you had been your whole life. You were living out your true passion, to me this is the sunshine that outweighs it all because this is all we ever wanted for each other. I know one day I will have to move on. Not for one second will I ever let anyone think it’s because I don’t love you. Not for one second will I let anyone think we closed the door of you and I nor was it something that I ever wanted to happen. I never in a million years would have thought our story would run short when we still had so much left.

We dreamed it all. It was supposed to be me and you until the very end. We pictured a happy life together. Coming home to each other after a long day of work, being able to wrap up in each others arms, cook dinner together. Hopefully one day look into the eyes of a little one that was half you and half me. We even had names. All you wanted was a humble home and a family to love and I was supposed to give that to you. No matter what happened between us or what we were this past month, we were always the ones we pictured growing old with. I guess life has other plans. We didn’t get our happily ever after and I will never let down that you never will. This doesn’t mean I will ever stop loving you. Now I need to use our love to teach me more than a happily ever after ever will.

I’m lucky to have been able to be this young and experience our type of love. A type of love that was all things mature, and healthy, and beautiful and full.

I’m sorry I just can’t leave this post off on a positive note like that though because that would be me just putting on a front. I don’t feel like I am in a place of such positivity yet and there was nothing you valued more than honesty. So instead, I am here playing some of our songs, typing this and crying and I am sure this is how it will feel for awhile. I know you wouldn’t want me to be sad but I also know your the only person in the world that felt and understood the type of love we had for each other so you are the only one that understands how much this hurts. Long distance was always our thing, you just never warned me that I was going to have to do long distance with you for the rest of my life.

I promise to love you forever and always My Moon <3


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